Scientists reveal the United Australia Party cap is the number 1 contributor to brain damage

Melbourne scientists have discovered that those free United Australia Party caps that are being handed out are now the number one contributor to brain damage, due to their radioactive (political) nature. They said that while it does stop UV rays from the sun, it does emit political thoughts into your brain and those around you. The Australian public is warned not to go anywhere near the hats, and if you do see one, contact the correct authorities who will dispose of it as fast as they can.