Daddy Government refuses to pay child support to kids affected by climate change

Big Bad Daddy Government has, once again, gone to grab milk and never returned after abandoning 4.7 million children in a looming global climate crisis. After moving back in with their wealthy ex-girlfriend Coal-ette, Daddy Government insists that the children aren't his responsibility despite failing to pull out…of agreements that have contributed to increased natural disasters, resource exploitation, global warming, polluted waters, habitat clearance, species endangerment, higher emissions, and an increased cost of living. He claims child support simply isn't in his “annual budget” and that the kids should not be scared to come over and meet Coal-lette sometime.